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For those of us who have found it hard (no, impossible) to ignore that little voice, (coming from inside, but imagined to be coming loud-and-clear by those outside of us) telling us to work unremittingly harder, faster, smarter for after all, we are just not good enough (yet?) – this is the book to help us reset. Written by a clinical psychologist, herself a self-proclaimed perfectionist, here laid out for the reader is the inside personal scoop, as well as the exhaustively-researched professional data to help us recognize our own drivers, where they come from, how they only partially serve us, and how to get a better handle on them. With these insights, we just may finally understand, accept, and even change our self-critical, rigidly-maintained mindset — with the aid of a terrific set of tools, a deeply compassionate voice, and an in-depth visit with this therapist, who also personifies an “older”, wiser sister (of sorts).
Perfectionism, in all its forms, is about looking for acceptance, — socially, interpersonally, and at its root, where it arises (poignantly) deep inside of us. And therein lies the rub. As the author explains, illustrating via a number of anecdotes based on patients and experiences, — we are not alone, we can make mistakes (even whoppers), we can let go, and we can live the life we actually want to live — she opens the door to a flood of warmth driven by our own self-kindness, unleashed one tiny step at a time, accompanied by a boost of mindfulness to carry us through this journey of discovery to a better place.
A terrific read, packed with insights, “aha” moments, and just plain support (with a capital S), this book is highly recommended (along with the author’s sister volume on Social Anxiety “How to be Yourself”) for sufferers of perfectionism, or anyone with a keen interest in the marvel of our wiring – how it arises, stumbles, yet can be selectively tuned through practice, and the magic of self-compassion.
A great big thank you to #Netgalley, the author and the publisher for an ARC of this book. All thoughts presented are my own.
