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This powerful book is written by a self-proclaimed (admittedly tongue-in-cheek) “Master of Feelings”, Dr. Marc Brackett, a professor focusing on Emotional Intelligence, and in particular, the perhaps lesser-known practice of emotional regulation.
We cannot control the situations we find ourselves in, but we can learn to manage (that is, regulate) our emotional reactions to those situations.
There are no intrinsically good, or bad feelings, the author informs, but each offers something, we learn, as they come. Our emotions inform us of “what’s going on in our lives, what we believe about our lives, and how it’s (all) affecting us”. Dealing with these feelings (all of them, even the very difficult ones) in a way that allows us to grow into our best selves is the ‘stuff’ this book is made of. And it is ‘stuffed’ — with examples, practical tips, tools, and a framework beginning with first recognizing and understanding our sometimes very complicated feelings; and following on with the all-important taking of a psychological “meta-moment”, — to breathe, build space, and only then (very thoughtfully, very intentionally) to move forward with our reaction.
Under this model, exactly what reaction we choose will depend very much on our goals. Our emotions, and the valuable information they provide us, can be harnessed in ways that are helpful, or at the very least, less hurtful, to the people we want to be, and are more or less aligned to the goals we will pursue to get there.
A mind-opening journey into a somewhat hidden skill, that may actually be wildly transformational, I loved this book and its practical, compassionate messaging (both intimately textured and deeply science-based) — all of which may take some work to apply, but this reader, for one, could not agree more with the words of the author: “Minute by minute — we declare our priorities. When we spend time, what we’re really spending is our lives.”
High recommended, this is a book to spend time with.
A great big thank you to @CeladonBooks for an ARC of this brilliant book. All thoughts presented are my own.
